What's that red thing?

One of the things that's made me look up from watching to make sure one foot goes in front of the other is what a lot of people call "vaping", meaning using an eCigarette to inhale nicotine instead of smoking traditional "analog" cigarettes. My experiences to date have been so surprising that it's one of the main reasons I've begun blogging again.

The story so far:

A few years back: My boyfriend, the long-suffering Asuma (no, I'm not going to out his real name or nearly anyone else's--I have friends who treasure their privacy and I have other friends who are relatively famous in their fields, so I'd need a very good reason to post anyone's real name here, including my own), has a niece living close by that we hear from from time to time, usually when there's a project or event she wants our involvement with.

But as usual I digress, so let me get back on track.

The niece had stumbled onto a new-cool-something that she wanted each and every one of her smoking friends to check out, mostly because she'd signed up as a rep for the company (think of the Avon lady, only selling nicotine vaporizers), and since I've been a smoker for a very long time she naturally thought of me.

She tried her ass off to sell me one of her company's eCigs--I don't remember the company name but they had one of the guys from the TV show "Deadliest Catch" as their spokesperson, so maybe that would give you the company name if you care. It didn't work for one plain reason: There was no way to try out a system that would start out costing me more than a carton of smokes.

That was a huge catch for me. Laying out around $100 by the time I got done ordering the cartridges (the thing needed to make with the fake smoke) without knowing if I would even like the damned thing is not an option. I'm not a rich bitch--an extra $100 has far more uses than a wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey smokey-thingy could demand if I'd never laid my own hands on one or had a chance to smoke off it at least once! Besides, I've got a few other habits too--I knit, I make soap and other scented goodies (if it reeketh, I maketh), and have you SEEN the price of anime DVDs lately? Crack's cheaper! I have to admit it's not nearly as fun though... Anyhow, you get the point. Thunking down that much cash and thereby leaving me short of money for "real" cigarettes (my way of thinking at the time--part of the reason for blogging this process is to see the changes in my own thinking and show it to those of you who give a shit) wasn't happening.

The last time I ran into her, a year ago or so, she was still trying to talk me into sampling the wares by buying a set. I still wanted a chance to try one before committing to that much cash, so I looked around--at the disposables in stores (and thought they were WAY too expensive--2-3 times the price of a pack of cigarettes but only designed to last about as long as one pack) and on the Intarwebs (same deal on price but add shipping charges that ranged from reasonable to ridiculous and it still added up to "um, I'll pass, thanks") plus checking out reusable systems, which seemed to be a better deal.

I've also got a friend who has been using eCigs for a long time and one piece of advice was to reload the cartridges instead of buying ones you couldn't reload--said it would save me even more money. So I kept looking around and thought there were a couple that might be handy but to reload the cartridges would be minor surgery each time since they just weren't designed to be reused. 

FAST FORWARD TO...

Late August, 2012: I opened a MyPoints.com email to find an ad for an eCig company that was offfering a 4-pack of disposable eCigs for $25 or so plus a free shipping code. I hit the link, went to the site, looked the offer over and popped for the sample set.

I got them in 5 days or so, opened one and started using it. It was different but felt a lot more like really smoking than the Nicotrol nicotine inhalers I had a prescription for that I used once in awhile when I was somewhere I wasn't allowed to smoke and had to deal with nic fits.

The trouble was the taste. The Menthol one wasn't bad, but the Strawberry and Blueberry flavors had about as much to do with tasting like those fruits as a Chihuahua has with being a kitten--they're about the same size, they do a few things the same but one is no substitute for the other. Worst, the "Tobacco" flavor tasted like someone cracked a pack of Marlboro Reds, took only one out and then left it on someone's front porch over the winter and I picked it up and tried to smoke one. BLICK! I eventually used them up--I used up the Menthol one the week before last at home, a friend and I used up 2 of them on a bus trip that turned into the Bataan Death March when the driver got lost and I killed the third on the way home that trip. That was the last weekend in September 2012.

During that following week there were times I found myself wishing I had one left. I thought that was odd as hell--I had cigarettes, but sort of... yeah, it's the right word... craved an eCig.

Mid-September 2012: I was still working on those awful disposable eCig samples when I had a three-day fandom convention to attend. Since I work on our convention's PR team, I figured there'd be times I wouldn't want to break off a conversation or I'd be alone at the table and not be able to go smoke, so I brought the disposables along. Two strange things happened that weekend.

The first was meeting a guy who noticed I had an eCig. We wound up talking for the better part of an hour about eCigs in general, how lousy the ones I had tasted and that not all of them taste like that, and best of all, once I had a rechargeable and refillable system, how I could make my own (DIY) eLiquids, flavored just as I liked them, with exactly the right amount of nicotine! Seriously cool, I thought. It just might be worth it--and it'll save me money on smokes, which was even cooler!! "Anime--Crack is Cheaper" is a t-shirt that should have been made just for me, and I had me a VERY loooooonh wishlist!

The other thing was actually not so great as far as using eCigs was concerned but did point up a problem with their increasing popularity: ignorance.

I'd been talking with a staff member of the convention I was at. He'd stopped by the PR table to ask about some ways to connect state conventions together, and we wound up babbling more than a little bit, so I'd pulled out one of my disposables rather than break off the great talk we were having.

"Ummm, we don't allow those here," gesturing to my eCig.

The answer to the inevitable "Well, why not?" was...

"We decided we don't want to have those around here."

Further "Why" questions didn't get me anywhere--mostly the answers added up to "because we said so", an answer that quit working on me around age, oh, THREE. 

Discussing the incident later, the nicest conclusion as to why it wouldn't be allowed was ignorance, mostly of what was exhaled during eCig use. Water is actually the main component of what is left when a user exhales but many people believe that much more harmful ingredients are both used in the original liquids and are remaining in the exhaled vapor, so that seemed to be the logical conclusion as to why a large pile of well-educated people wouldn't allow something so harmless to be used.

Fine, I thought, "it's your con, your rules. But it would be really f'n cool if you'd not only educate yourselves on what you're outlawing but actually POST THE RULE if you expect anyone to follow it." Nope, they hadn't bothered to post it anywhere--website, signs around the hotel or in the programming guide where the full list of rules WAS printed.

Last week of September 2012: I spent this researching various systems, initial cost, cost of supplies once I'd begun to use them, ease of refilling (highly important if I was actually going to save any money since some systems' carts cost almost as much as the packs of cigarettes they were replacing) and other issues that came up as my research showed me what nicotine vaporizers were capable of doing.

I came out of the week deciding I wanted a Vea system, so that's what I'd be buying on payday.

So--that's what brought me from "I heart my cigarettes too much to ever get rid of them" to purchasing an eCig system to setting my quit date. You'll find the rest of the story as you keep reading Unstuck in Midlife.

The Dawning Light, or, Habits I Never Knew I Had

Just a quickie post--my neck won't take a lot of babbling, which is nice for you--less of me to read.

Smoke counts:

Friday: 12
Saturday: 10

I'm allowing myself 10 tomorrow, then down to 8 on Monday, cut on Wednesday to 7 thru next Monday and see how that goes. I have a convention to work at this coming weekend, and usually having to go outside for every cigarette (I live with a smoker so we only smoke outside when sensitive family members come to visit) cuts down on my consumption but sometimes it increases it if a lot of my smoky friends are around--we wind up camping outside, shooting the breeze in the breeze, so to speak. I'll probably take along any clove cigarettes I have left and give them to a friend. Much as I love the taste there's no sense in them going to waste--I only smoked them when I was in the mood for something special so it's not working out very well to make them part of the daily routine. I think they're higher in nicotine than my regular smoke but the flavoring doesn't go down well for me as a regular thing--when I crave tobacco I want my Newports.

Speaking of which, if I had back a tenth of the smellsticks I've bummed out at conventions alone I wouldn't be purchasing another cigarette for the rest of this year, let alone until my quit date. As short on cash as I am from setting up with eCigs, that'd be really nice.

I'm also finding out pain spikes make it harder to control smellstick use--I'm guessing it's a comfort thing since I've been in chronic pain for most of the last 18 years and I've smoked far longer than that. To be honest, one of my better motivations to quit is that sometimes I'm on medications that make me sleepy and after having been in 2 house fires as a kid I'm scared to death that I'm going to fall asleep with a smoke and burn this place down. The trouble is, my smoke cravings peak at night so that's actually the toughest time not to smoke and those are the hardest cravings to vape away. I guess that's another reason there's a quit date, to get used to the change.

I do see progress though. I'm reaching for my Vea before my cigarette case after meals these days. I expected to have a rougher time eliminating the after-food "dessert" but with the flavors that nicotine liquid can be had in I can truly have dessert just by screwing on a sweet-flavored cart. I have a VG (vegetable glycerin) based cherry named Rainier that's awesome after meals and I'm using the Chocolate Truffle that doesn't vape well by itself mixed with it for a yummy Chocolate Covered Cherry. I don't have the proportions right yet but when I do it'll go in the DIY Nic Recipe tagged posts.

Have a good night and check out the post below this one for a big dose of adult funny--Shelf Life stars some of the best-known names in voice acting doing a live-action webseries and hilarious is an understatement when describing this one. So have a fun time and give it a look!

No good deed

Yesterday was an emotionally rough one. I'd done someone a favor, one that apparently wasn't made known even among closest friends, and so I wound up taking crap over "not being supportive" when... oh, hell with it! The reasons don't matter, but another situation that I need to learn to deal with without groping for the nearest smellstick showed up (dramatic bullshit that I occasionally get roped into), and about three hours into fielding texts and social networking posts over it I finally picked one up, had about three drags, then had to leave the car to go into a store for my mom, who's been doing the driving lately because driving stresses the neck injury I suffered in March.

She smoked the rest of the cigarette before I could get back to the car, which was about five minutes after I'd left it.

Maybe feeling ticked off is unreasonable, since I'd bummed the damned thing from her in the first place. What got to me was that I'd broken down and asked for it but wasn't allowed to finish it? What kind of shit is that?!?!?!?

I did say it probably wasn't a reasonable mindset, remember?

I did allow myself an extra to replace it--figured as long as I'd dealt with that kind of stress for that long and had already started a smoke, I may as well finish it with one of my own (I like them better than hers, even tho I'm not liking any of them nearly as much as I had been before I bought my Vea from jcsmoke.com). I also found a pack of Djarum clove cigars (thanks to new legislation about what used to be called "clove cigarettes" they are now "cigars". No idea who the mental midget was who cooked that one up, but they're the same things as before with a one-word change to the packaging. My tax dollars at work.) so I'll be adding one of those per day til I kill off the pack or give it away to someone I know who loves them, whichever comes before the 31st or I get so sick of smellsticks that I toss them before that date.

I'm beginning to see the point of a quit date--I'm benefiting by having some room to figure out strategies for staying inside my allowance by using other coping skills in situations that used to trigger my typical "Bork this in the anus--I'm going out for a cigarette!" response. It's also letting me alter other parts of my lifestyle to help deal with the physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms.

I realized a couple of nights ago that it's letting my friends adjust to me as a non-smoker also. My best friend Kirby (until I hear a name she'd rather be called) responded to my "I'm quitting" announcement with, "Aw, now I can't go out for smokes with you anymore!" That's when I told her about the event we'd been at earlier in September where I'd been told vaping was something "We (royal version) decided we didn't want (that) around here", so that likely I'd be out with her anyhow, and even if vaping were allowed indoors I'd miss seeing the people I'd run into by smoking outdoors so I'd probably follow her out for awhile just like always.

Since I've been up on numbers again, I'm readjusting my smellstick allowance--today I started with six Newports and one Djarum in the pack in my cigarette case (I do hope JCSJ makes a pocket case for my Vea--that's a rant I'll save for another day, missing my smoke case) and I'll stay there thru Saturday and see how I've done.

So--numbers summary:

Wednesday: 9 smellsticks plus a little bit of one.

Thursday: 6 allowed plus a clove cigarette

So far today, I've had 3 along with coffee (over a space of about 2 hours--used to be I'd snarf 3 in the first half-hour after crawling out of bed, so it's a big improvement) and one more split between 2 rounds of food, so I'm pretty well on track.

I should note about all the talk about the company where I get my equipment and nicotine liquid: I am not a paid spokesperson. I receive no special treatment for mentioning them here or anywhere else. I just like my system, the liquids available there, and the customer service can't be beat.

Remember that one liquid I didn't like so well? I mentioned it in a contact email I sent while asking about technical specs on the equipment I'm using (another post is coming about what's available for those of us who vape instead of smoke, and holy Vegetable Glycerin, Batman, it's a whole new world!) and the next morning I found an answer telling me that a pre-paid label was on the way for me to send the bottle I didn't like back to them, with a note in the box to let them know if they should give me back my money or if I'd take an exchange! Yep, they know I've opened it, used some, doesn't matter--I get to send it back and get an ounce of Tundra instead.

Too freakin' sweet! The Tundra is a whopping strong menthol, light on the tobacco flavor and just like all their flavors available in strengths from 24 mg nicotine/100 ml fluid to zero nic formula.

Time to go do something else--I have a phone call coming in a few minutes so I'll be taking that and then deciding what to make for supper since food is so dang yummy now that I'm more inclined to go back to playing around with new recipes, like the egg salad I made for lunch. I'll be posting those recipes along with all this too--I like to invent new food and that urge is back now that I can taste the nuances of what I can do to food again.

Have a good day--I'm planning to!

Cut-down test run #1

I'm considering quitting smoking using an eCigarette system--I hadn't bought it with that in mind, but the difference between eCigs and analogs is pointing up things I didn't notice about how smoking smells and tastes once you're not drowning yourself in tobacco smoke, so I'm giving the idea serious thought since I have something that seems to make it easier than anything else I've ever tried to quit with before. I'll post the whole rambling story about how I got to this point from "Gee, I'm sick of paying ridiculous taxes on cigarettes--it's time to save a few bucks" later on.

When I got up this morning I thought that since I only smoked 6 cigarettes yesterday, a dry run of a cut-down might be interesting. I set out to limit myself to 5 analogs today, just as a dry run to see how this is going to rattle my cage in general. I either picked a really good day for it, or a really bad one.

Morning and early afternoon went all right--stuck to my 2 analogs in the morning, then 1/2 to 1 after meals, then Asuma (who deserves a gold star on his report card) and I remembered we had to pick up some stuff at a couple of places today. I checked my cartomizer and battery--seemed like the cart had a decent amount in it and the battery was good on charge (this system's are lasting me a day and a half), so I left my analogs at home and we took off.


Nasty surprise--the cart started giving out shortly after we left the house. Normally I'd smoke 3-4 while out in the van, and I had to go really easy on the Vea or I'd cook my cart (they're good usually for 2-4 fills and I was on the 2nd. No sense wasting carts--while they're about $2 each I have to get them online, so add shipping to that and it's not exactly like dropping $4 on a cup of coffee, so I want to make them last as long as they can). By the time we got back to the house I was having my first real nic fit, so I went for the easy supply and had an extra half a smoke--part of #4, but did it before eating the hot food I brought home. Not a move I wanted to make but I also didn't want to be too unreasonable while I dealt with the need for tobacco smoke. During the shopping run I'd felt antsy and easily annoyed so I wanted to get a lid on the moodiness before it wrecked the first good weekend I'd had in a month, since I spent most of September sick and hadn't seen much of Asuma during the month.

Turns out that was a less bad thing than I first felt--it took quite awhile to get a handle on the nic fit, longer than I expected, so putting the smoke first probably helped me more than putting it off and being impatient while eating because I felt like I had to get it out of the way to get at what I really wanted.

I was getting back on track after supper and my other half smoke, and was better for a few hours. Then the cart I'd switched over to started tasting bad and acting like it's nearly time for it to die. It happens--the carts are semi-disposable, it's just that it picked a craptastic time to do it. I'd just topped the Tundra (a strong menthol taste very light on tobacco, currently my regular favorite) when we got home, the Rainier (a very tasty cherry, one many say is close to Blu brand's Cherry Crush) cart was close to dry so I had to top it and once they're topped they seem to work better if they sit about 8 hours, so I pulled out a new pre-filled Arctic Menthol (one of the two menthol flavors I'd ordered), then remembered it's close to bedtime and I'd want a full cart then, so I popped on the Chocolate Truffle cart. Ooooohhhhhhhh, baby, this stuff's like nibbling Godiva! I put the eCig to my lips, closed my eyes and prepared for dessert...

...and discovered that the battery picked that precise moment to fucking die.

*Facepalm*

Easy enough to fix--my set's got 2 long-life batteries to make this happen and the pass-through feature would let me vape while it was charging too, it was just the topper. But I didn't toss it at the wall and grab a Newport--I'm watching one battery charge while the other feeds me sweet sweet cocoa-flavored nicotine until time for my bedtime cigarette.

So--I went one over on the allotment I was trying, had a rough evening trying to get on top of a snag, and learned things.

1. My boyfriend is one patient dude. I knew this before, but the depths still amaze me.
2. Shit happens. Prepare for it.
3. Keep a 5-pack of pre-filled Tundras on hand for times like this.
4. Shit happens. Prepare for it.
5. Take a damned extra cart along and avoid hours of annoyance.
6. Shit happens. Prepare for it. 
7. A pocket-sized pack that will hold my Vea and 1-2 extra carts, preferably leak-resistant or leak-proof, would be a nice way to spend a few bucks in the interest of making this work if I decide to go all the way and quit using my eCig to deal with the transition.
8. Did I mention that shit happens and I should expect it to happen, and thus should prepare for it?
9. It's not quite time to set a quit date, but I'm toying with October 31. 

(Oh, shut it--it's my blog and I get to be derpy if I want to--no one's paying me to do this and no one's Superglued your browser to this page so give me a few posts to locate my funny again.)

I think I'll give a 5-analog limit another try tomorrow. It's something I need to learn to deal with, since it's looking like I've gotten to the point where I've found the hard-to-skip analogs and it's time to figure out the coping skills I'll need.

Wish me luck.