No good deed

Yesterday was an emotionally rough one. I'd done someone a favor, one that apparently wasn't made known even among closest friends, and so I wound up taking crap over "not being supportive" when... oh, hell with it! The reasons don't matter, but another situation that I need to learn to deal with without groping for the nearest smellstick showed up (dramatic bullshit that I occasionally get roped into), and about three hours into fielding texts and social networking posts over it I finally picked one up, had about three drags, then had to leave the car to go into a store for my mom, who's been doing the driving lately because driving stresses the neck injury I suffered in March.

She smoked the rest of the cigarette before I could get back to the car, which was about five minutes after I'd left it.

Maybe feeling ticked off is unreasonable, since I'd bummed the damned thing from her in the first place. What got to me was that I'd broken down and asked for it but wasn't allowed to finish it? What kind of shit is that?!?!?!?

I did say it probably wasn't a reasonable mindset, remember?

I did allow myself an extra to replace it--figured as long as I'd dealt with that kind of stress for that long and had already started a smoke, I may as well finish it with one of my own (I like them better than hers, even tho I'm not liking any of them nearly as much as I had been before I bought my Vea from jcsmoke.com). I also found a pack of Djarum clove cigars (thanks to new legislation about what used to be called "clove cigarettes" they are now "cigars". No idea who the mental midget was who cooked that one up, but they're the same things as before with a one-word change to the packaging. My tax dollars at work.) so I'll be adding one of those per day til I kill off the pack or give it away to someone I know who loves them, whichever comes before the 31st or I get so sick of smellsticks that I toss them before that date.

I'm beginning to see the point of a quit date--I'm benefiting by having some room to figure out strategies for staying inside my allowance by using other coping skills in situations that used to trigger my typical "Bork this in the anus--I'm going out for a cigarette!" response. It's also letting me alter other parts of my lifestyle to help deal with the physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms.

I realized a couple of nights ago that it's letting my friends adjust to me as a non-smoker also. My best friend Kirby (until I hear a name she'd rather be called) responded to my "I'm quitting" announcement with, "Aw, now I can't go out for smokes with you anymore!" That's when I told her about the event we'd been at earlier in September where I'd been told vaping was something "We (royal version) decided we didn't want (that) around here", so that likely I'd be out with her anyhow, and even if vaping were allowed indoors I'd miss seeing the people I'd run into by smoking outdoors so I'd probably follow her out for awhile just like always.

Since I've been up on numbers again, I'm readjusting my smellstick allowance--today I started with six Newports and one Djarum in the pack in my cigarette case (I do hope JCSJ makes a pocket case for my Vea--that's a rant I'll save for another day, missing my smoke case) and I'll stay there thru Saturday and see how I've done.

So--numbers summary:

Wednesday: 9 smellsticks plus a little bit of one.

Thursday: 6 allowed plus a clove cigarette

So far today, I've had 3 along with coffee (over a space of about 2 hours--used to be I'd snarf 3 in the first half-hour after crawling out of bed, so it's a big improvement) and one more split between 2 rounds of food, so I'm pretty well on track.

I should note about all the talk about the company where I get my equipment and nicotine liquid: I am not a paid spokesperson. I receive no special treatment for mentioning them here or anywhere else. I just like my system, the liquids available there, and the customer service can't be beat.

Remember that one liquid I didn't like so well? I mentioned it in a contact email I sent while asking about technical specs on the equipment I'm using (another post is coming about what's available for those of us who vape instead of smoke, and holy Vegetable Glycerin, Batman, it's a whole new world!) and the next morning I found an answer telling me that a pre-paid label was on the way for me to send the bottle I didn't like back to them, with a note in the box to let them know if they should give me back my money or if I'd take an exchange! Yep, they know I've opened it, used some, doesn't matter--I get to send it back and get an ounce of Tundra instead.

Too freakin' sweet! The Tundra is a whopping strong menthol, light on the tobacco flavor and just like all their flavors available in strengths from 24 mg nicotine/100 ml fluid to zero nic formula.

Time to go do something else--I have a phone call coming in a few minutes so I'll be taking that and then deciding what to make for supper since food is so dang yummy now that I'm more inclined to go back to playing around with new recipes, like the egg salad I made for lunch. I'll be posting those recipes along with all this too--I like to invent new food and that urge is back now that I can taste the nuances of what I can do to food again.

Have a good day--I'm planning to!